The Peasant and the Mule

Long ago, there was a peasant who was very poor.  He had come to his very last meal.

Kdonkey-48412_960_720nowing that he could not continue to live that way, he made the decision to sell his only possession…his mule that could talk.  Yep, this mule was a special one who could keep everyone happy with his singing and always telling funny jokes.  Though he was sad to do so, the poor peasant headed off to town in order to sell his mule.

The peasant sits on the corner of a street and a crowd begins to form because of his mule.  The crowds fall on the ground laughing because that mule is so funny.  After a while, a man walks up to the peasant and makes him an offer.  He claims he works at the Tonight Show and wanted to have the mule on the show that very night.  He claimed that his wallet had just recently been stolen, while he was on a party bus, so all he had to offer for the mule was a token for the subway.  He talked the peasant into trading the mule for what he dubbed as the “Magic Token of Good Fortune.”

As the peasant was heading home, he came to the realization that he had been cheated by the man who took his mule and he became quite sad.  He decided to take the subway to the edge of the city with the token he now had in his possession.  As soon as he dropped the token into the subway slot, a bunch of alarms began going off, notifying him that he was the lucky one billionth rider of the subway and, because of that, he won fifty million dollars.

In the meantime, the mule was very successful at cracking up the crowds so he ended up taking over Jay’s job.  Eventually, he put every other late night comedian out of business as well, including John, Conan, and Dave.  What is the moral of the story?  That a funny mule will soon be bartered.

Lions and Seagulls and Dolphins, Oh My!

Doctor Pete Lumbar was a proud man.  He had several academic degrees including marine biology, physics, and genetics.  He had been working for quite some time on a potion that was supposed to eliminate the process of aging. He knew he needed to test his product on an animal before testing it on a human subject, so he wanted an animal that had the closest mental capabilities to a human.  Because of that, he chose a dolphin.  In just a week’s time, he had found three dolphins to use for his testing.

Because of many unforeseen issues, his experiment was stopped on several occasions.  At one point, spies from a competing cosmetic company broke into his work, tore up the lab, and tried their best to break into the vault where his vital vial of vim was kept but their attempts were futile.  Because of this, the doctor decided to buy a cheap security system known as Dan the Lion, the King of the Jungle.  Because the lion took very long, ten-hour cat naps, he was purchased at a very reduced rate.  The lion was placed in front of the door and kept there by the doctor in order to keep any spies away.

After several treatments of the potion, the dolphins started communicating with the doctor, telling him that they had a craving for some big, juicy sea birds.  Thin01_02_20_webking their request should not be ignored, Dr. Lumbar went out in the night to catch some large seagulls, then quickly returned to his lab.

When the doctor returned to his lab, he stepped over Dan the Lion, opened the door, and was shocked to see the police there with their weapons drawn and pointing at him when he turned on the lights.  Why was he arrested?  Well, because he was going across staid lions while transporting gulls for immortal porpoises.  

Sir Lancelot and the King’s Message

Once upon a time, Sir Lancelot was sent out by King Arthur on an important mission.  He was to go to Spain to deliver a message to the king. Lancelot begins looking for a good horse to ride to Spain on since it is a long distance and his horse is sick.  All he can seem to find is an old mare.  He takes it, though, since he has to leave so quickly.

Lancelot realizes this was a mistake about three days after he leaves his Kingdom.  The mare is always acting tired and seems to be becoming lame.  Finally, he makes it to a village and goes to the lancelot3344local inn.  He explains his problem to the innkeeper.  He tells the innkeeper that he has to complete his mission to take the king’s message and needs a good horse to do so.  The innkeeper tells Lancelot that most of the horses in the small village are not able to help him carry out his task.  He could look around the town, though, and is welcome to anything he finds.

The innkeeper was right.  Lancelot could not find a good horse anywhere as he looked around the village.  As soon as he was about to give up, Lancelot comes upon a stable where a boy is carting some feed.  He questions the boy, asking if he knows of any beast of burden that could help him fulfill his mission.  The boy starts to tell him no, but then, instead, suggests that he go to the barn and see if Old Mange could help him.

Lancelot expects to find a horse when he goes over to the barn.  Instead, he finds a huge dog that is almost the size of a pony.  The dog is very messy, though.  It has some of its fur falling out, is mangy, and seems to be loaded down with fleas.  Lancelot looks the dog over carefully since he is so desperate.  He decides that the dog does look like it has enough strength to take him to Spain, which is three days of travel at this point in the journey.

After this, Lancelot goes back and tells the innkeeper that he couldn’t find a horse anywhere in the village that he could use.  He tells him that Old Mange may be able to help take him at least most of the way to Spain, though.  The innkeeper stiffens up when he hears this and says, “I wouldn’t send a dog out with a Knight like this.”

The Librarian and the Chicken

There was once a librarian who was working at her desk and noticed that a chicken walked into the library.  The chicken is waiting very patiently at the front desk. As soon as the chicken sees that the librarian has noticed it standing there, it begins squawking, “Book, book” repeatedly.librarian

The librarian decides to comply and puts a few books down on the floor in from of the chicken.  The chicken immediately grabs the books in its beak and runs away.

The very next day, the same chicken comes back to the library.  This is quite disturbing to the librarian.  The chicken brings the books that it took the day before and sets them down on the desk and begins repeating, “Book, book” as it did the day before.

Shaking her head in disbelief, the librarian begins to wonder just what the chicken is doing with all of these books.  She goes and picks out some more books for the chicken, though, and sets them down on the floor in front of it.  The chicken grabs the books in its beak and runs off with them.