Smart Ass Chronicles

Lions and Seagulls and Dolphins, Oh My!

Doctor Pete Lumbar was a proud man. He had several academic degrees including marine biology, physics, and genetics. He had been working for quite some time on a potion that was supposed to eliminate the process of aging. He knew he needed to test his product on an animal before testing it on a human subject, so he wanted an animal that had the closest mental capabilities to a human. Because of that, he chose a dolphin.  In just a week’s time, he had found three dolphins to use for his testing.

Because of many unforeseen issues, his experiment was stopped on several occasions. At one point, spies from a competing cosmetic company broke into his work, tore up the lab, and tried their best to break into the vault where his vital vial of vim was kept but their attempts were futile. Because of this, the doctor decided to buy a cheap security system known as Dan the Lion, the King of the Jungle. Because the lion took very long, ten-hour cat naps, he was purchased at a very reduced rate. The lion was placed in front of the door and kept there by the doctor in order to keep any spies away.

After several treatments of the potion, the dolphins started communicating with the doctor, telling him that they had a craving for some big, juicy sea birds. Thinking their request should not be ignored, Dr. Lumbar went out in the night to catch some large seagulls, then quickly returned to his lab.

When the doctor returned to his lab, he stepped over Dan the Lion, opened the door, and was shocked to see the police there with their weapons drawn and pointing at him when he turned on the lights. Why was he arrested? Well, because he was going across staid lions while transporting gulls for immortal porpoises.